Okay, Romeo

And so, it’s February. The month of romance… Get your little cherub boner out of my face Cupid, I’m bloody well doing it! Through gritted teeth, and with much internal resistance, I have decided to review EIGHT dating sites. Yes, eight of the fuckers.

Over Christmas, my older brother suggested that I try eHarmony and my response was caustic. I hate dating sites. I hate dating. I just want to fast forward to the bit where you’re finishing each other’s sentences, in prison, because your love for each other transcends your love of freedom. Jokes. I just want to be in love, and not have to do the meet and greet bit.

Don’t get me wrong, I like new things. New clothes, new shoes, new holiday destinations, newts. But I do not like new men. I like old, as in familiar, young men (yes, I have an issue with fancying younger men and I’m trying to overcome it for all of our sakes!). I like commitment and pouring my imagination and heart and affections into one lovely person and building a life together. I have set up home and invested a good few steady years with some brilliant men whom I have loved and adored, but we haven’t been the right fit and now it’s time to seek the one with whom I can truly settle.

It’s just that to get there I am going to have to get out there.

Since a tumble with Bumble in the summer, which ended in tears when someone who seemed like he could be The One, swiftly became another sodding One that Got Away, I haven’t been able to bring myself to try online dating again. The last guy I dated, I met in a bar. Old school. But he was not old, barely out of school. A twenty-five-year-old whippersnapper. You’d think one so young might still be afraid of ghosts, but it turns out he was a big fan of ghosting. What started off old school, ended up young ghoul.

So, in a fool’s attempt at exposure therapy, I have decided to trial eight dating sites (two per week) in one month. I don’t want to do any, so I may as well do eight. Sound logic.

In all honesty, I thought that if I could turn it into a reconnaissance mission and report my findings to other daters, curious about sites they haven’t tried, it would help to make it more bearable. I hope it will be an entertaining exploration of what it’s like dating outside of the capital city, what it’s like trialling the more formal dating sites and having to create a proper profile (instant bonecrunching dread), whilst reporting on what kind of men are on different sites.

If you’d like to follow me on my “adventures”, I shall be sending newsletter updates. Why not encourage friends to subscribe, so they too can partake in some healthy schadenfreude.

Share this link and pray for me. Pray for fit, funny, kind, engaging men, disinterested in the spirit world (ghosters and alcoholics need not apply).

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once bloody more…

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